BREATHE IN and BREATHE OUT.

Life has an interesting way of twists and turns along our path of life. I know for me this has come to light more times than I would have thought possible in my 30 years of age.(I cannot believe I.. A. admitted my age..and B: just threw my age out for a lovely reminder )

I have been through so much these last few years that I cannot imagine how I agreed to sign myself up for this.. But I Did. And I knew it was for a purpose.

Our family three weeks ago, had a turn of events that would make all of us question how could this be happening. I sometimes still catch myself saying that phrase..then I remember....WAIT. We knew this life would be difficult. We knew it would be HARD..So with what has happened, it has made me stop in my tracks and THINK. What is most important.

To me..my family is very important. I believe it will through these difficult times..through the trials we are all going through, that will bring us all closer together as a family unit.

I know for me..I get my comfort in turning to my Father In Heaven. He knows us. He knew the trials we would go through. I am so grateful for the belief's that I have. I am so grateful that we have the Atonement. I know the situation will not change and that this will not be easy..but I do know, Our Savior Jesus Christ, has felt all of the feelings that have been haunting me day in and day out. He knows what we are going through. He can and will HEAL us. It is just going to take faith on our part.

I am going to post verbatim what my brother, Matt, posted on his facebook last night. It has been an incredibly hard time for our family. One day life is normal..the next it all changes.

It really makes you think about what is important in life...this has taught me to cherish every single moment I have with my family, not that I cherished it before..but it definitely is an eye opener. It kills me that I have to be so far away from them during this time. I know that they are not alone going through this trial.I know Heavenly Father has NOT EVER LEFT Their side. I know my heart is always with you matt and jocelyn. I was so blessed to be able to go down and help you guys for the small amount of time that I was able to.

Here is my brother, matt's, description from last night..


‎2 years, 4 months, 13 days, 2 hours, 16 minutes and 30 seconds ago, (and counting), Avery was born.

2 years, 4 months and 12 days ago, we brought Avery home for the first time.

23 days, 20 hours and 36 minutes ago, what we thought was just another routine childhood illness with a fever began.

16 days, 3 hours, and 39 minutes ago we were hit with a freight train when we found a mass on Avery's left kidney.

8 days, 2 hours, and 43 minutes ago, the cancer-laden left kidney was removed.

In 1 day, 15 hours and 44 minutes, we will begin chemotherapy to destroy the remaining cancer. This will shortly be followed with radiation therapy. Over the next 6-8 months the fight will continue...

But for now, as of 45 minutes and 30 seconds ago, we FINALLY were reunited as a family.......at HOME! Yes, that is right! Avery is home!!!! Her surgery for her port-a-cath placement went well and they decided we could go home today! We are blessed to have such great family and friends supporting Avery (and us) during this time. We are thankfull to all. It might take some time to say thank you, return calls, messages etc..... but till then, realize many thanks and much appreciation! I will keep everyone posted, but for now, I am gonna go have a nap, on MY bed, with MY daughter, in MY house, on her homecoming.


I know my family would appreciate all the prayers we can get for my beautiful little two year old niece, Avery, and her battle with stage 4 cancer. I know God is a God of miracles. I know he hears each and everyone of our prayers. I am so grateful tonight.. as I sat here at my computer.....i got a phone call from my amazing little avery. We talked again about "ruff ruff" her "pretty lips" i sang to her twinkle twinkle little star..as well as hickory dickory Dock. We talked and i listened to her voice and it made me smile. She just melts my heart. These call's that matt and jocie do for me, they mean the world to me. I Love that little girl as if she is my own.

To back track for those of you that follow me(if I even have any follower's left hahaha) We have tried to keep everyone updated and informed via facebook. But I wanted to be able to journal the events happening.

This is again written by my brother to let our family and friend's know what was going on after we got her results back from her pathology reports.

"Hmmm.... where to begin. So much information, so little space. First off. pathology finally came back. Avery's diagnosis is High Risk Wilms, Favorable Histology. They removed 8 lymph nodes during her surgery and one was positive. The tumor has also spread to her lungs with numerous (i.e. 15 or so) metastatic lesions in both lungs. This makes her cancer a Stage 4. ‎(Stage 1 being the “best” i.e. least amount of disease, Stage 4 having tumor spread to other parts of the body which of course is never a good thing). What does this all mean? Well, as with everything else, Joce and I need to make a decision on whether or not to undergo conventional therapy or enroll Avery in a clinical trial for a different protocol of therapy. The main differences between the two are the types of chemotherapy used. Either way, given she has Stage 4 disease; she will need radiation therapy to her abdomen and all the risks and problems associated with that. We will get the radiation therapy planning CT tomorrow, the chest port for long term IV access on Friday, and will start chemotherapy and radiation treatments on Wednesday or Thursday of next week. The chemotherapy regimen will last 25 or 31 weeks depending on how she responds and what protocol we fall into based upon her clinical response (i.e. are the pulmonary metastatic lesions going away) as well as the results of DNA analysis of the tumor.) Please continue to pray for Avery as we continue this marathon. Thank you all for your support and prayers."

Back track to just a couple weeks ago. I will never forget the phone call my mom and dad received from my brother. It was a wed or thursday night. I happened to be over hanging out (which i do quite often). The minute my mom got off the phone I knew something was up. As you can tell you can see how difficult this was to take in. Avery had been very ill for about 10 days. One minute you think your baby is just sick, you know the sickness we all get a couple time's a year...then the next, as part of that workup you find out that your baby has a 9 cm cancerous tumor on her left kidney. I know for me, it seemed as if the world started spinning slower and slower. I was in shock. It didnt quite hit me until friday evening. Then my eomtions hit me like a brick wall. She was admitted to the hospital and I could feel how your entire life starts to spin around you. My dad and mom and I packed up and headed down to california on monday. 4 days after the first phone call from my brother. I am so blessed I was able to go. Spending my nights with avery in the hospital have turned out to be some of the most spiritual most amazing nights that I have had. She is amazing. Her spirit is so strong. She is a fighter. I mean of course she is..she is a Pond..and those that do know us..well you know we can put up a hell of a fight. (sorry mom and dad i swore..:) you still love me right?

Anyhow..Avery has had her cancer-laden kidney removed. Like my brother said up above, she starts chemo and radiation to destroy the remaining cancer in her little body. It is going to be a fight. And i just am asking for anyone who reads this..friend or stranger, to please pray for my family.Pray for precious little Avery.. Pray for strength for Averys Parents. I know my family really appreciates it.

While I was in the hospital with Avery one night..I was listening to my ipod softly. She had just fallen asleep after a long exhausting day after her surgery. I sat and watched her sleeping in her "dungeon princess crib" I called it. The lyrics started playing and i just got so emotional. I sat and watched her. I knew that I was going to have to leave in a few days. I was emotional. but this was just the song I needed to hear at the time. I sat and watched her breathe in and out for hours. I titled this post, Breath in and Breathe out.

The song was by mat kearney and it is titled "breathe in and breathe out". It is by far one of my favorites..

Breathe in, breathe out
Tell me all of your doubts
Everybody bleeds this way, just the same
Breathe in, breathe out
Move on and break down
If everyone goes away, I will stay
We push and pull
And I fall down sometimes
And I’m not letting go
You hold the other line
Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes

Hold on, hold tight
If I’m out of your sight
And everything keeps moving on, moving on
Hold on, hold tight
Make it through another night
In every day there comes a song with the dawn
We push and pull
And I fall down sometimes
And I’m not letting go
You hold the other line
Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes
There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes

Breathe in and breathe out
Breathe in and breathe out
Breathe in and breathe out
Breathe in and breathe out

Look left, look right
To the moon and the night
Everything under the stars is in your arms

Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes
There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes
There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes

Anyhow.I will have to journal post my pics of my time while I was with her this last week. I just need to get them loaded to my computer.

here is one of me and my princess in her hospital room one morning:)


For now..every ones prayers for my family are greatly appreciated.